Learning the Importance of Community

I’ve never really been a social butterfly. Like at all. But at the same time I also don’t like to be alone. I’ve never been one to put myself out there and introduce myself to people, but I knew once we moved across the country that would probably have to change. I knew that moving to 2,000 miles from home would be difficult – I had never lived away from my family. Even after Prince Charming and I got married we lived within 5 miles of my family. My mom is my best friend (aside from my Prince of course), and I have two younger brothers who are 7 and 13, whom I absolutely adore. We have a special sibling relationship, possibly because of the age difference, or possibly because they’re so irresistibly cute (I mean “handsome”) or just because they have the most tender, loving hearts. In any case, I knew I would, and most definitely do, miss them terribly.

Even after we got married and my husband was at work in the evenings (which if you’ve read my previous post, happened quite a bit) I was able to just go over to my family’s house for dinner or just spend time with them. But moving to the other side of the country I knew that if I wasn’t proactive in finding friends, I would truly be alone. For the truth of the matter is, no matter how much PC wants to spend time with me, sometimes (or a lot of times) he just can’t. Nope, I was kind of on my own to find company on the lonely days/nights that PC was unavoidably busy.

I had previously heard of the Christian Medical and Dental Association (CMDA), and about a month before we moved I started perusing their website to see what I could find. I came across a ministry for doctors’ wives called Side by Side(SBS). “Perfect!” I thought. Although I knew we would probably meet people at whatever church we ended up attending, I really wanted to meet other medical wives, because truth be told, most women in “ordinary” marriages don’t really understand what it’s like to be married to medicine. And I really wanted to glean from others’ experiences and fellowship with women in the same (or at the very least similar) circumstances, as much as I could. So I messaged the Chicago group on their facebook page. I didn’t hear anything back, and subsequently kind of forgot about it with the business of the move and then getting settled in to our new home. About a week after we arrived, though, one of the members finally responded to my message (the group apparently doesn’t use facebook very much for communication). After emailing back and forth a couple times she suggested getting together for lunch. Since then we’ve met a couple other times for lunch or going to the Science Museum. I have really appreciated her reaching out to me, and love spending time and talking with her about medical school life, and she has three of the cutest little girls. Her husband is in his 4^th year of residency (of 5 years) so she definitely has a lot of experience and wisdom. I’ve come to really look up to her as someone I would like to emulate and look forward to spending more time with her throughout the next couple years.

The SBS group has only met once since I’ve been here (usually we’ll meet twice a month), but it was so refreshing to talk to other women whose husbands are in med school/residency. The group is led by two women about 55-ish (their husbands obviously are already doctors). At the first meeting one of the women was telling those of us who were new to the group what SBS is all about and she mentioned how they want to be available for the rest of us to call up whenever we need something or just want to talk. As she was talking about this she said, “Because we know what it’s like to never see our husband, and even when he is home, he’s not really there.” “Yes!”  I thought, “That’s exactly how I feel!” So I’m really looking forward to getting to know these women and walking through this journey with them, and probably even make some life-long friends.

My husband and I have also connected to a church and joined a Gospel Community (basically smaller groups of people from the church that meet weekly). This has also been very refreshing and much needed. I definitely feel as though I have a good solid network of people to talk to, spend time with, learn from, and just live life with. Moving across the country knowing absolutely no one, especially with PC being so busy all the time, has taught me the importance of community. And I hope to broaden my community even more by entering the blogging world of medical wives.

A Little Background Leading Up to Now

My husband (whom I will refer to as Prince Charming or PC) and I got married at the end of the third year of his undergrad studies – March of 2012 to be exact. It was a busy time as I was working full-time as a dental hygienist, and he was studying to finish his biology degree, studying for the MCAT (which he took in May 2012), nervously applying to medical schools, and finally going on interviews to various schools.

During this time he was also working as a scribe (basically a person who writes doctor’s notes for them) in the Emergency Department of a hospital about 40 minutes from our house. That summer was especially busy as he picked up an additional training job (with the same company), while taking summer classes and getting his AMCAS application ready. It was a difficult time to say the least. I would get home from work physically and emotionally exhausted, and he would either already be gone for work or getting a few hours rest before he went in for a late shift. For a while we didn’t see much of each other. After a month or so of this my PC decided to dramatically cut back on work shifts so we could spend more time together, for which I was very grateful. 

In the fall, PC ended up interviewing for about 5 weeks straight during September/October. This was another difficult season. We hate being apart… Even when I don’t see him until the end of the day we miss each other terribly, but when we didn’t see each other for a couple days, well, let’s just say we texted a LOT. We were definitely glad for this season to be over. Then came the waiting.

Every medical student-to-be goes through this – the uneasy, anxious time of waiting for an acceptance. Being the neurotic individuals most of them are most definitely does not help. And the more time that lapses without an acceptance the more their mind has to conjure up doubts. The first day schools are able to send out acceptances, October 15, came and went with no news. My poor husband was disappointed as the day went on further and further without hearing anything, but only a couple of the schools he interviewed at gave acceptances this early anyways, and we kept reminding ourselves that God is in control and He hasn’t brought PC this far just to laugh at our disappointment of not getting in at all. I did my best to remind him of this, but in all honesty I was about as nervous as he was.

The first acceptance came on October 24^th from Wayne State in Detroit. Of the six or so schools that he interviewed at, this was our least favorite, but we were incredibly grateful to finally get an acceptance. PC wasn’t crazy about the 9-5 class schedule, equating to late nights, and when he told me about the area surrounding the school, I wasn’t a big fan either. But in any case we were officially going to medical school! This led to a profound sense of relief as well as hope that perhaps some of the other schools would provide an acceptance as well. The next acceptance was from Saint Louis, followed by Loyola Stritch, located in Chicago. 

Loyola was our favored school. During his interview there, this school really stood out to PC because of the welcoming, friendly staff who contributed to the laid-back, calming atmosphere of the school. The curriculum and class schedule (getting done with class earlier in the day to allow for more studying at home – and more time with me!) were also nice, and of course the option to use their amazing gym (which is one of the big “selling points” of Loyola) was also a plus. Moreover when he interviewed here, the interview groups were very small compared to other schools, only four other people were in his group. He really appreciated this because he felt more like a valued potential student rather than a cow being herded through the school – this left him with a sense of warmth and belonging.

The first day Loyola would send out acceptances for his interview time was October 29^th. Yet again the nerves, the apprehension, the excitement welled up inside us – feelings which, by this point, you’d think we’d be accustomed to. That evening for dinner we were planning on going to our favorite 60’s-themed diner for dinner regardless of what we heard (or didn’t hear!), but first we had to stop off at a store. After 5:00 pm Chicago time came and went (we were on Pacific time), we kind of gave up hope of hearing anything that day. But as we were checking out, PC received a call from an out-of-state number. Ethan looked at me excitedly and exclaimed, “Loyola!” He then stepped out of the store as I anxiously finished the transaction. A minute later he came back through the doors with a smile on his face and said, “I was accepted!” We were so thrilled we hugged and kissed right in front of the clerk. “We’re going to Chicago!” I said excitedly. The clerk even congratulated us before we were on our way to our celebratory dinner. 

After that life trotted by at a seemingly slow pace. We knew where we were going, and now we just wanted to start this new adventure! PC received a couple more acceptances but we were still pretty set on going to Loyola. In April of this year we attended the “second look” event at Loyola so I could tour the school and, more importantly, so we could try to find a place to rent when we moved there in July. The second look was an all-day event on Friday. I won’t bore you with every little detail of the day, but I will say that we left knowing without a shadow of a doubt that this was the perfect place for us. I was blown away by the friendliness of the faculty and passion and kindness of the students. One of the faculty even somehow remembered my husband by name! It was obvious the faculty genuinely cared for people – and not just the students. They have many social activities and such for spouses and families too. This is one thing I really appreciated. PC already kind of had a social network built in to his class of roughly 160 students, but I knew that I would really need to make an effort to meet people and make friends so I wouldn’t be completely lonesome when PC was busy all the time studying. I actually did end up meeting a woman whose husband was also considering Loyola. In the afternoon they split the potential students and their families up for a kind of Q&A session. When I entered the room I searched for a married-looking woman around my age to sit next to in hopes of us having things in common. Lo and behold, I found her. (And as it turned out PC ended up randomly sitting next to her husband. Talk about Providential!) Anyways, we spent a good deal of the day with her and her husband before heading back to the hotel. 

That weekend we also spent a lot of time on Craigslist looking for rentals and setting up tours. Although we were hoping find a home, we weren’t really counting on being able to secure anything since our move was still a ways off. Our first tour was of a little house about a mile from the school. We almost didn’t set up a tour because it was a little out of our price range – a price range that was unrealistic for the Chicago area we soon realized – but thought we might as well look at it. We absolutely fell in love with the little house and later that night asked if we could be their next tenants. We signed the rental papers the next day and were all set to come back in July.

July came and we packed all of our earthly possessions into a 16-foot Penske truck and began our 4-day trek across the country. My husband’s parents and grandfather actually came with us to help us get unpacked and settled in, which was a huge blessing, and kind of eased us into our new life here in Chicago.

And that pretty much catches us up to the present for the most part. My husband started school at a running pace and has been studying pretty much non-stop ever since. It’s definitely been an adjustment, but more to come on that subject and more later.